Charlcie

Did you know I am falling apart? Yes, I came to that conclusion this week. I can't sleep yet think about sleep alot, too much really, and wish I could sleep more. In fact, I might have to come back to writing this post a nap. My endocrinologist thinks I have sleep apnea issues, but that's another story. I have had one bloodshot eye for about 10 days. That's right, not both eyes but only one....and some weird flaky skin thing under my eye. And my shoulder and neck are sore constantly. Falling apart, I tell you. When did this happen? I very distinctly remember on my 40th birthday thinking about how I didn't "feel 40" (whatever that is...), felt good, felt young. Four months later, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and everything seemed to change. Not kidding...everything, but most noticeably, physically I changed. I didn't feel as strong or invincible...still don't. I feel tired and old. Not Mema old (she's my 91-year-old grandma) but middle-aged ...

Settling into cancer survivorship is a piece of cake, right? Not so much. I have had some guilt, anger, and the feeling that I will never be the same again. Bear with me...I've got to get this out of my system. Guilt: I didn't have the kind of cancer (thyroid) that typically kills people although mine was a fairly complicated case (stage 3 with a recurrence). Plenty of great people have cancer with horrible prognoses and don't live very long. This was not me...I'm still here, thank goodness. It's the old "why me?" situation. On a lighter note, sometimes I am guilty that I really just want to sleep and do nothing most of the time if I had my choice...when not watching my kids sports, that is. Anger: Things have dramatically changed in my life since having thyroid cancer. It's more than a surgery, a treatment, a scar. It has changed the way I live my life and the way that it just "is." OK, and the scar is really annoying too and the looks I get...

Happy New Year to you! I don't say it often enough, but thanks to all of you who read my blog. I hope that in your time reading it, you have found something useful or at least entertaining! I have a truly wonderful update to start 2011: my thyroid and neck ultrasound yesterday was clear. Nothing new, and the lymph nodes that are being watched have not grown or changed. This is great news! Part two of the great news: my blood test for thyroid cancer recurrence has been in the normal range twice in a row, a first since I was initially diagnosed back in July 2008. My endocrinologist says the consistency of the results is more important than one good result. He considers good below 2.0. I have now had a result of 0.5 twice. Wow. Since all of this started in July 2008, I have never truly felt "free" of thyroid cancer. As of yesterday, I do! Yes, I will continue my follow up and visit with my endocrinologist. After all, I am still one of "those patients" in his pract...

This year, I bowed out of the photo for our Christmas card. Refused might be more accurate, but I won’t use that harsh of a tone. Others, such as Chris, might. In November, before Thanksgiving, the scheduling fairies made it possible for the kids to have exactly one hour available one afternoon that all three could be present…as long as some driver could get Morgan to the orthodontist by 4:30. Off they went…to the park and to the red caboose in our town. Lots of great shots to choose from, and after narrowing it down to our favorite five, in the end, Chris chose one that I had not previously considered, and I loved it. We all did…I think. Yes, we heard from the masses that Chewie was conspicuously left out of the photo. It will not happen again. But I digress.... So the cards arrived, and I break out the list of folks we will mail to this year. Chris notes that the price was so good for 100, he went ahead and ordered that number. “Wow, OK, but we normally only send to about 60,” I said...

OK, no jokes about me actually writing two blog posts in the space of three weeks. :) Tomorrow, I make the trip back to see Dr. Pun , my favorite endocrinologist. Those of you who have had a cancer diagnosis and are a head case such as myself know what that means for today: the "what ifs" start. Although, I pretty much had the "what ifs" confirmed at my last appointment in October: Dr. Pun said that he is pretty sure "something" (i.e. thyroid cancer again) is going on there based on the bloodwork, and we just get to wait until something shows up on a scan of some form so we know what we are dealing with. Strangely, I was OK with that as I know that as long as I am one of " those patients " in his practice that he keeps an eye on (and there is that whole trust factor too...), I am fine. Well, as fine as I can be, knowing what a worry wart I am (thanks, Mema, for passing the torch to me in the worry department!). How much does it stink to know some...

Yes, it has been almost three months since my last post. This fall, I've been somewhere inbetween busy, hiding and being overwhelmed by life in general. I have been hiding from cancer and talking about anything too real. Hmmm...these two things can be intertwined or separated, you take your pick. Either way, it is not healthy for me. I'm working on it.... Overwhelmed by life...like Ferris Bueller says, and I have quoted before on this blog, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't watch out, you could miss it." I've been in the "pretty fast" part of it lately, watching Mackenzie and Christian's senior year fly by. Kinda sad for me, but I'm enjoying it too, and I'm excited for them. Mackenzie has been accepted to all three schools she has applied to and offered significant scholarships to two of them. All of them are out of state...she is ready to go, and I'm so proud she is confident enough in herself to go. I'm just proud of her per...

Since I have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer in July 2008, I connected with an awesome community of folks at “ Dear Thyroid ”. As part of Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month, the good folks there have put together a Blog Tour highlighting those of us who have the magic combination of thyroid cancer and a blog about it. Thanks for the opportunity, Dear Thyroid! The questions Dear Thyroid has asked and my answers below: What kind of thyroid cancer were you diagnosed with? How many years have you been a survivor? Papillary carcinoma with positive lymph nodes diagnosed July 2008 with surgery and radioactive treatment. Recurrence January 2009 with surgery only. September is thyroid cancer awareness month. What does that mean to you? Why do you think awareness is important? How do you spread awareness? For me, it means share my story so I can raise awareness about thyroid cancer. I like for people to notice the scar on my neck and ask about it. I want to tell folks about how I had no ide...