Skip to main content

Letting go of turtlenecks

I find myself looking at the weather forecast more lately, hoping it stays cold. I like the winter, always have, but just today I realized that I have a different motive now.

I have spent the last winter wearing turtlenecks and scarves. I have always liked to wear turtlenecks and started wearing scarves last winter just because I like them.

I wore turtlenecks and scarves the past six months mainly to hide my five-inch scar at the base of my neck from thyroid cancer. Yet, at the same time, I said that I didn't mind my thyroid cancer scar. In fact, when I'm at home, I walk around sans scarf if I wore it at work or just out in general.

I truly have a love-hate relationship with that scar. Most of the time, I look at it and am proud, reminded that I did it, survived not one but two cancer surgeries in the past nine months. Other times, I hate looking at it every morning in the mirror as I take my thyroid meds.

A few times I have been in public with my scar uncovered and caught someone's eye looking at it and frowning. I wanted to scream "thyroid cancer" but didn't. But I could see their expression.

This thyroid cancer diagnosis is challenging me to do so many things personally beyond fight against it...be patient as my blood tests and PET scan is just not right and we "wait and watch." Examine my inner self with this scar and how to be comfortable in my own skin with it.

I bought one of those chapstick-looking sunscreen sticks at Target this weekend. More than anything, I need to keep my scar out of the sun for a minimum of six months so it that sensitive scar tissue won't get darker. On a different plane, I need to figure this out in my head, how to go in public with my scar exposed and not examine every single person's facial expression.

Maybe I'll try once this week to not wear a scarf or a turtleneck to work....or maybe the cold will stick around another week.

Comments

  1. Trina Wesley (imacutieface on twitter)April 19, 2009 at 10:39 PM

    Thanks for posting this. You are not alone in how you feel about the scar. I have never hidden it. Its nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't get it because I got in an car accident while driving drunk. I kicked cancers ass and of this I am proud. The scar will fade and so will the newness of it. It just takes time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Curt McCormickApril 20, 2009 at 9:42 AM

    Charlcie,
    In your own way, this is a brave as the chemo patient who doesn't wear a wig or hat, I am proud of your courage! You did kick cancer's ass, and this is part of the ass-whoopin!

    We love you with or without turlenecks, you know that, so you go girl!

    PS You look great in turlenecks too...

    ReplyDelete
  3. hollybfApril 26, 2009 at 8:46 PM

    you sure couldn't be wearing a turtleneck today, yikes a hot one! And no scar could even diminish or distract from your loveliness...inside and out. So be proud!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Meg McCormickApril 30, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    I agree with Curt, and not just because we're married. The people you're around a lot will soon stop seeing it. Anyone else? Screw 'em if they stare.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Quite a pay raise!

Today I received a press alert via email from my alma mater, Oklahoma State. Check out the first two paragraphs below: Following only the sixth nine-win regular season in school history, Oklahoma State University today announced a contract extension for head football coach Mike Gundy, giving him a new seven-year contract worth $15.7 million. The contract was announced following action by the OSU/A&M Board of Regents at its regular meeting in Miami. With the new contract, which is effective Jan. 1, 2009 and runs through December of 2015, Gundy’s average annual compensation will be more than $2.2 million. His current six-year contract paid him $1,053,000 this year. What the heck? That's quite a raise, and he didn't even beat OU, Texas, or Tech! Now, I went to OSU when Mike Gundy was the quarterback there. He was the quarterback during Barry Sanders' Heisman year. He seems like a nice guy and a great coach, but wow... In all fairness, I have to point out that I also read ...
2 comments
Read more

More about batting a thousand...

Ah, I didn't really explain the "batting a thousand" reference in relationship to me when posting on the blog last night. Was still in a bit of a fog from the news I received from the ultrasound. A bit of history... Batting a thousand: 1. June 2008: ultrasound reveals suspicious nodules that should be biopsied. 2. July 2008: after biopsy confirms papillary carcinoma, neck ultrasound to look at lymph nodes finds suspicious lymph nodes. Post-surgery found out about the four positive lymph nodes, two of which were the size of small plums. 3. December 2008: Ultrasound post total thyroidectomy and neck dissection, small nodules found in the thyroid bed along with a suspicious lymph node. So in summary, every ultrasound I have had of my thyroid and neck this year has revealed something suspicious. Thus, I am batting 1,000 with the ultrasounds in 2008. Feeling rather bleh and crappy about it all today. It's Christmas...why do I have to deal with cancer again? Ugh.
11 comments
Read more

On my soapbox about "the best cancer to have"

Those of you who follow me on Twitter know I was on my soapbox this morning after reading yet another article about the dreaded subject of how thyroid cancer is "the best cancer to have." Think about that...the best cancer? Why would someone say that? In an attempt to make you feel better about having thyroid cancer, some health care profesionals try to convince those of us who have or have had thyroid cancer that it is "the best cancer to have" because it has a high survival rate. An aside here, that high survival rate applies to papillary carcinoma, one of the three types of thyroid cancer out there. Survival rates are lower for medullary carcinoma and anaplastic carcinoma, the other two types of thyroid cancer. Back on topic...OK, so tell us that papillary carcinoma has a high survival rate. Truly, that is good news. But because of this "best cancer to have" statement, and the fact that I was told my thyroidectomy would most likely be just an easy, ove...
13 comments
Read more