Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I'm a slacker

So, where to start. I know, pretty weak with no blog posts since the summer. I will endeavor to do better.

I've been MIA doing so much...nothing. OK, nothing isn't exactly correct, but my life has changed considerably since Mackenzie left for college. She is 1,500 miles away, doing amazingly well as at college freshman at Oklahoma State University, my alma mater. She pledged a sorority (Kappa Alpha Theta. No it's not mine...another story), is involved on campus with the Freshman Representative Council and Orange Peel to name a few organizations she is a part of, and is keeping her grades up.

Me, I am figuring out how to parent from 1,500 miles away. Good news: she doesn't need much of it. Those of you who know Mackenzie realize she is one of the most responsible teenagers around. Bad news: I have a void in my life without seeing her daily and at least going through the motions of parenting. A Big Void.

Yes, Morgan has started high school and is busy with soccer and basketball. Yes, Christian goes to NOVA and still lives with us. That does not diminish the fact that I am missing a redheaded child that I don't get to see daily. No finishing each others sentences, no cheer competitions, no dance competitions, no trips to Panera for soup.

I'm so happy for her! She is doing well and loves OSU! I'm so sad for me...miss her every single day so much. So to my friends and family (Holly) with small children, you will have to bear with me as I fawn and make silly faces at your children and tell you how lucky you are...because you are! I am and you are...enjoy every step.

But everyday it gets better, the missing Mackenzie. I am settling into the new normal of her being at college. We text everyday, talk alot so that helps.

The other huge factor in my life I continue to wrestle with is my fatigue issues associated with my lack of thyroid and previous thyroid cancer. I am going through an angry period again...angry that I don't feel better. Angry that I can't do anything without wanting to take a nap. Angry my neck and shoulders hurt unless I do my physical therapy exercises. Angry I am tired whether I sleep 6 or 10 hours.

It makes me want to withdraw to my shell and not be social. The one activity I truly enjoy is Morgan's soccer. What a joy it is to watch her play! And keeping track of OSU football this fall. Who is #3 in the BCS? Yes, that is my Cowboys (the orange and black variety).

I'm kinda tired of dancing around the topic. Let me be angry. I'll get over it eventually. I have before. Now, I am going to go take a nap...and text Mackenzie.

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