Settling into cancer survivorship is a piece of cake, right? Not so much. I have had some guilt, anger, and the feeling that I will never be the same again. Bear with me...I've got to get this out of my system.
Guilt: I didn't have the kind of cancer (thyroid) that typically kills people although mine was a fairly complicated case (stage 3 with a recurrence). Plenty of great people have cancer with horrible prognoses and don't live very long. This was not me...I'm still here, thank goodness. It's the old "why me?" situation. On a lighter note, sometimes I am guilty that I really just want to sleep and do nothing most of the time if I had my choice...when not watching my kids sports, that is.
Anger: Things have dramatically changed in my life since having thyroid cancer. It's more than a surgery, a treatment, a scar. It has changed the way I live my life and the way that it just "is." OK, and the scar is really annoying too and the looks I get from people checking it out.
Never be the same: This is somewhat tied to the anger. It's not about a scar or the time lost. I have changed. I look older and feel older...maybe that was coming anyway, but I didn't see it coming at all pre-cancer diagnosis. My need for rest and sleep is ridiculous. Having my thyroid removed was more than cancer: the thyroid regulates your metabolism (yes, weight gain) and fatigue. I am so affected by this even though I take my daily medication religiously. I'm even trying different combinations of vitamins.
I'm still working through this new normal. I can read and take in all that I want about survivorship and cancer, but no one can live my situation but me.
I have so many people, situations, things to be thankful for....I know. Feel free to lecture me about this now, completely understandable. Sometimes it's just hard to get away from how thyroid cancer has affected me. This is just the real stuff of cancer survivorship.