Thursday, February 19, 2009

I'm easily amused...and aggravated

What is this ridiculous photo? We were in Target this past weekend, and I was fascinated with the transportation system for the cart for the two-story building. I just had to take pictures with my cell phone.

Pretty awesome, huh?

For those of you unfamiliar, that's my husband Chris in the orange hat.

Moving on to the topic of this post....

I have not blogged in a week for various reasons. Blogger intimidation for one. I am waiting for that one, really good topic to come to me...then it doesn't come. Or I get distracted by something else.

Another reason: I'm not feeling so great about the cancer these days, and I don't want to be a downer. But then, this is reality with cancer so I do want to share it. I've had other thyroid cancer patients and survivors say this is helpful to share it all, the good and the bad. I also don't want people to worry about me...I'm fine, just struggling with the cancer survivorship.

I want to be one of those people like I follow on Facebook or Twitter that really has a handle on moving forward after cancer. I'm not there yet. It needs to be OK that I'm not there yet. I'm still aggravated by:
  • the original diagnosis last summer
  • "the doctor that I don't like" and how much time I wasted with him
  • the recurrence of cancer last month
  • all of the scans and tests I have to do in March to determine if we got it all...again
Yet all of that feels really selfish so I try not to let myself feel it. But can't I feel aggravated for having cancer? I don't want to feel sorry for myself either, which I don't think I do but....It's so conflicting.

I ran across this quote in my inbox today:

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell


I have a new life now, a new normal. I'm still growing into it, but I can do it. I'm going to keep thinking about this quote and how I can apply it to me.

OK, so don't worry...I've just got to sort all of this out.

3 comments:

  1. Great update, C. I can't walk in those shoes, only offer my support. Like maybe at the Vienna Inn sometime soon with the spouses? Any chance we can all dump our respective kids somewhere? Like in front of the TV with lots of cereal in our case...

    Hang in there. You are a GREAT sorter-outer.

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  2. Thanks for that confidence in my sorter-outer abilities. :)

    About the VI, definitely would love to coordinate you and Meg's trip over here to your old stomping grounds for some beverages/food. As for the kids...remember, I have a teenager. Teenager=babysitter for all. It's a wonderful thing!

    Some Saturday lunch or dinner. I imagine Saturdays in your household look like mine. Let me know when you have a free one and I will do the same!

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  3. Dude.

    You sound like me, and while our cancer diagnosies (is that even a word?) are different, we seem to be living with parallel time lines.

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