Charlcie

Wow, has it been almost a week since I blogged? It's been a busy, hectic six days, but I'm makin' it...some days barely, but making it. Let's see...oh, my post-op appointment on Friday. The "big reveal" went well. Dr. Sanders ripped (or at least it felt like he ripped....) my bandage off then he, his PA, and my mom gathered in a semi-circle about a foot from my neck and said things like, "wow, it looks good" and "it's healing nicely." I have to agree, it looks better than it did last summer...or does it? I think the shock factor was gone this time around. I am now used to looking in the mirror and seeing the five-inch incision/scar so really, it just looked the same, just more pink and swollen. I have the semi-frequent stabbing pains throughout the day and night telling me that my nerves are slowly but surely coming back. Dr. Sanders says this is good. My neck is generally just sore, tender, and tingly, um, let's say all day every d...

It’s been an interesting week of cancer recovery that has included inauguration of a new President and quitting my job. I feel better, but please don’t mistake that to think everything is “fine.” Well, it is as fine as it can be having cancer surgery twice in seven months. I’m alive, feel exhausted, my neck is very sore…OK, I’m fine. This is when the emotional stuff came in last time, when I started feeling “fine.” Not so much the “why me?” but “what’s next?” As much as I try to take off my worry hat, it is firmly affixed to my head. I’ve had the recurrence now less than a year later. Will I have a recurrence to the recurrence next? When will the stabbing pains stop in my neck (It’s a good thing, it’s a good thing…)? When do I settle in with the "cancer survivor" title again? Am I question talker? Sorry, a Scrubs reference, but I digress... My post-op appointment is tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing what the surgeon has to say about my incision. He will uncover it f...

I'm really up at 1:30 AM blogging. I can't sleep either because of the stabbing pain on the right side of my neck four days post-op of my second thyroid cancer surgery or because my mind is racing because of all of the things I'm thinking about such as (in no particular order): why do I have this stabbing pain in my neck tonight? why do I have to go through this cancer business not once but twice now? why can't I go to sleep? why didn't we see on ultrasound the other two lymph nodes that were positive for cancer that were found by my surgeon (we saw one but not three)? Are there more? am I going to have to do this again? why am I complaining about my cancer when there are others out there struggling more with their cancer? when should I jump ship from "the doctor that I don't like?" OK, that's all of the questions (and whining) I have for now. Discuss amongst yourselves. Feel free to comment as you would like. I'm off to go watch some bad TV an...

Just a quick report....I'm back home from the hospital. Surgery went well. Surgeon was able to find what he was looking for, which turned out to be a cancerous lymph node sitting in the thyroid bed. Plus, he took two other lymph nodes that were also positive for cancer. The surgeon had to use the full five inches of my scar, but he got it....the cancer, that is. I'm not as foggy from the anesthesia as I was with the first surgery back in July 2008 but still feel a bit like a truck hit me, just maybe a smaller truck this time. I'm really sore where the incision is but overall am doing OK. Thanks to everyone for your good thoughts and prayers. More later....

I am up and at it this morning, getting ready to go to the hospital. Surgery is at 10:15 AM this morning. Of course, I've got to be there earlier, at 8:45. The best part is I know what to expect. The worst part is I know what to expect. I know it is a supposedly a smaller procedure. I know that it is only a "little bit" of cancer this time. Regardless....I'm not happy about it but am doing OK this morning. I don't want to have surgery but know I need to do it. It's the best decision for me today. Many thanks to those of you who have shown me support! I'm off now...to get this cancer out of my body.

Two days until my surgery on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it (strange, I know...) just to get it over with. As I told my Mom yesterday, it is good to know what to expect this time and then also not good. Unfortunately, I know the drill now with this cancer business and surgery but didn't have a good hospital experience last time as we thought it would be one overnight and ended up being three nights in the hospital. I know, simpler procedure, smaller cancer, blah, blah, blah....but that's my last lingering memory. A bit of good news: I was officially added as a contributor to the Stupid Cancer Blog . I am thrilled about this! Instead of being hovered over while blogging (has happened in the past), I get to do the exact opposite: be irreverent and creative while talking about cancer-related issues. Yes! Thanks to Matthew Zachary at the Stupid Cancer Blog for the opportunity. Moving upward and onward to have a good Tuesday...you too, OK?

Happy Friday to all! And now for a brief news update... I did end up sort of rooting for the Sooners last night, to no avail. Florida victory it was...24-14. Gotta love that Floriday quarterback, Tim Tebow. Great attitude, lots of guts and athletic ability. Poor Sooners...bleh. Whatever. They will probably be in five more national championship games before the Cowboys even might possibly get one shot. And on the home front: My surgery is scheduled for next Thursday, January 15th. Not the day I had hoped for as I wanted early next week, but oh well. It's on the books, and I'm ready to do it.

I just realized that I have blogged five straight times about cancer. Bleh. Now, I understand that I have had a new turn of event lately with this thyroid cancer recurrence but I'm tired of it. Instead, I will share my funny dilemma. I graduated from Oklahoma State University...Go Cowboys! To those of you outside of Oklahoma, we are the "other" university. Not the Sooners, not OU, not in Norman. Orange and black, state school one hour north of Oklahoma City in Stillwater is where you will find OSU. Yes, the school where T. Boone Pickens donated all that money . OSU plays OU regularly in sports as both are in the same conference, the Big 12. OU is OSU's big rival, but the feeling is not really mutual. Texas is OU's rival, but that's another story. Tonight is the BCS National Championship football game. Oklahoma plays Florida for the national championship. Who to root for? My dear friend Julie and cousin Holly are both graduates of OU. In fact, Julie is at the ...

Just an update that my treatment decision is surgery. I decided that with Chris and Dr. Sanders today. No date yet, but we requested the surgery date to be in the next 5-7 days. Will post here as soon as I know. I have some great stories of doctors, nurses, friends, and family giving me input on my decision that I will share at some point, but I just don't feel like it tonight. It has all caught up with me, and I am fighting the urge to crawl in bed and just....sleep maybe? Or possibly eat a large amount of ice cream. One of the two, possibly both, will happen soon. Maybe I shouldn't fight it.... There are great stories like the "doctor that I don't like" spelling out the word cancer to me on the phone today and saying things like "Why would you want to walk around with cancer in your body? If it is big enough to find on biopsy, you need to get it out." But those stories are for another day...too big of a day for me. Thanks again for the prayers, good th...

Here's the deal on the biopsy done this morning: good news is the lymph node was negative for cancer. Bad news: thyroid bed nodule is positive for thyroid cancer. More good news: Chris and I were able to get into to see Dr. Sanders today. He is the surgeon who operated on me in July 2008. He worked us into his busy schedule on short notice, for which I am grateful. Last summer, the thyroid cancer decisions were more simple. "You have cancer. It needs to come out." This time, it is a little more complicated. Explaining the options just took me 30 minutes to explain to my dad but here is the deal in a nutshell: 1. take it out now with risks 2. wait six months and see if it grows with risks 3. external beam radiation with risks I go back to see Dr. Sanders on Wednesday and plan to make a decision by then. I'm doing OK with it. Aggravated, disappointed, but, as I have said before, I kinda knew. Thanks to all for your continued prayers and good thoughts...I've got a b...

I have found myself in a cleaning frenzy lately. My house is not filthy, folks, so maybe it is not cleaning but more decluttering. Today I gave away nine bags of stuff to one of the local charities that sends me emails and says nice things like, "Do you want us to come to your house and take away all of that crap that your family doesn't use anymore but you don't want to throw away?" I say things like, "Why, yes I do!" So the past few days I have mainly worked on my desk area, the basement, our game cabinet, and my closet and managed to find nine bags worth of stuff to give away. I even cleverly convinced youngest daughter tonight to take a small portion of her thousands of stuffed animals (OK, a bit of a high estimate...) and put them in a large clear bin for safe keeping. Yes, this all has needed to be done for months, but I have realized what all of this cleaning and decluttering is all about...my biopsy is Monday. When I am worried, I clean. As much as I...