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This is when the emotional stuff came in last time, when I started feeling “fine.” Not so much the “why me?” but “what’s next?” As much as I try to take off my worry hat, it is firmly affixed to my head. I’ve had the recurrence now less than a year later. Will I have a recurrence to the recurrence next? When will the stabbing pains stop in my neck (It’s a good thing, it’s a good thing…)? When do I settle in with the "cancer survivor" title again? Am I question talker? Sorry, a Scrubs reference, but I digress...
My post-op appointment is tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing what the surgeon has to say about my incision. He will uncover it for the first time then. It is swollen and sore, but I have not had a look at it since he opened it back up again a week ago. One thing is for sure: it just can’t be as surprising as it was last summer when I saw it for the first time. I really couldn’t believe my eyes, how shocking it was to me.
About quitting my job…I start a new job as Website Content Manager at a veterans’ organization on Monday. I know it seems crazy to start a new job when tackling cancer yet again, but it was time. I just did it and am looking forward to the new position. It will be the first time I am not working in a hospital or cancer organization in about seven years. I think it is time for this change for me.
However, I will certainly continue to be an advocate for those with cancer. Through posts on the Stupid Cancer Blog to involvements in other groups, I will be involved in the cancer community, just not primarily through my work now but through me, a cancer survivor.
Your new job sounds interesting. If you say it was time for a change, I am sure it was. Thinking about you and praying that all will be well.
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting (and your kind comment on) my blog. I am sorry that you have to face this illness and its treatment, but I am glad that you have hope, good questions, strength and love. I will be back to visit again. I pray that you will be in remission (and feeling better) soon!
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